Game
by PetPetAngel
Summary: For a moment, it doesn't seem like a bad idea, and he leans forward and kisses the man again, this time slowly, passionately, hoping that maybe, just maybe, through this one kiss, he'll understand that it's all very, very real. [Latibær, SpotacusGoggi]


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Game

Written by:

PetPetAngel

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_"There are games that we're not all willing to play,_

_Dice we're not willing to roll,_

_Prices we're not willing to pay,_

_Times when we are not ready to face the toll. _

_There are times we want to let go,_

_Chase your wants like the wind,_

_Keep moving on,_

_And forget we ever sinned…._

_But in the game of life,_

_It's beyond your reach,_

_You're on the edge of the knife,_

_And all you can do is hope to teach,_

_One more person not to make the same mistake,_

_Let them live without the ache…"_

- "The Game of Life" – Petal L. Grower

-

All alone in his room, in a way, he feels like this is his sanctuary. It isn't that he didn't like people; it isn't that he's angry at them or anything. It's more like he can't face _him_ anymore, no matter how hard he forces his heartbeat to slow down. No matter what he does, his pulse quickens, and his heart freezes, and his breath catches, just being near him.

Goggi really doesn't mean for it to happen, but it happens every time. In his mind, he tells himself it's called hormones, that he was a teenager; that this is normal, expected. His heart tells him that he was in love, actually _in_ love for the first time, and really, Goggi is a little scared of what happens now, what is next.

He knows it was wrong. He knows it is bad, because, in all honesty, he likes to credit himself as a pretty smart kid. He doesn't even know how old he is, how it could work, only how it couldn't.

He's too old for me, not that he'd even want to be near someone like me, and Goggi gives a small, bitter smile. Sportacus is a man of activity, and full of energy, and he, Goggi, can't help but almost consider himself a recluse. They were almost polar opposites, each with the hope the other would understand their differences, and accept them.

He's beaten this game four times this week, but he can't get himself to move. Without thinking, he keeps going.

A clear voice behind him speaks his name softly, and Goggi recognizes it immediately as his. He tenses at it, although he doesn't mean to. The footsteps are quiet, just like his always are.

"Goggi?"

It is a simple question, his name, but Goggi isn't sure whether his heart is in his throat or in his stomach. It's not as though his voice is particularly over-kind, or even somewhat frosty to look at it from the other end of the spectrum, but he supposes that the distance he'd become sure to keep between them didn't do only good. Perhaps it even did some bad, because really, the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks at all, he'd be less and less likely to even to go out at all if it wasn't for the man standing behind him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he speaks softly, focusing more on keeping his voice steady than what Sportacus is actually saying, but he could assume all of his questions, because they'd been through this before. It hasn't changed before, and Goggi didn't expect it to do that now, either.

For a moment, there is silence, and Goggi closes his eyes, almost certain that Sportacus had left, left him alone, finally, once more, but his swivel chair is turned around swiftly. Strong hands fall on his shoulders; light blue eyes force him to look at the other square in the eye. He wants to pull away, protest, but he can't, not to a face that caring, that kind. Sportacus means only well, it's him refusing the help.

"Please, Goggi," Sportacus murmurs, searching his eyes for any sort of reaction to the plea, "You know lying is wrong."

"I can't tell you," Goggi murmurs, and in his mind he curses the fact he's let it slip so easily from his lips, but Sportacus had always told him that the only way he could feel better if he talked about his problems. Maybe Sportacus wasn't the right person to talk about this sort of problem, but he was the only one who had kept trying after his weeks of isolation. "You just can't know."

"You can tell me anything," Sportacus speaks steadily, resting a calming hand on the one settled in Goggi's lap. "You know that."

Goggi's breath hitches and he shakes his head insistently. If his parents only knew what was going on with him, but they were never home. As a child he had viewed Sportacus as a father, but now he's afraid that he sees him as something else, some more, something closer than even that. "You should know," he says with a smile, "I should tell you… I…"

His fear resonates in his heart of the rejection, and all the worse case scenarios run through his mind briefly. He shakes his head and can't seem to find the right words for what he wants to say. Somehow, 'I love you' does not seem fit. He looks at Sportacus once more and his bites his lip from keeping it from quivering. Had he always been this conscious of what other people thought of him? He had managed alone before, he could do it again.

But not without him.

He squeezes his eyes shut tight and without a moments more hesitance, presses his lips to Sportacus', waiting for rough hands to push him away, but the kiss lasts longer than he expected and he's actually the one to pull away. With a flush heavy on his cheeks, he turns around in his swivel chair to stare at the computer screen, waiting to hear a shout of anger, a few words of horror, the fading footsteps of his loved one walking away for the last time, but no sound reaches his ears.

He turns around and stands up, grabbing at the fabric of the man's usual outfit. "Don't you have anything to say?!"

He knows he shouldn't ask for rejection like that, but he couldn't wait. As he stands, he notices for the first time his actual height, and how he hardly has to look up to look Sportacus in the eye any longer. In fact, he's almost willing to say he's just as tall, if not taller than Sportacus is. He can remember as far back as to when he came to Sportacus' waist, and how he'd been determined to grow up to be just like the man. "Well?!"

The man's eyes are still wide, and the color is high in his face, but Goggi can't tell whether it's from anger or embarrassment or both. He feels his throat close awkwardly, and he takes a step back, afraid the man will strike him even though it isn't in his nature.

Sportacus tilts his head, "So you….---"

"I love you."

Again, Sportacus falls silent, "So you---"

Goggi turns away from him, sitting back down in his chair. His headache from earlier in the day has come back full force. He breathing almost seems labored, even to himself, and he tries to slow it down, but fails. Then he feels it.

An arm sliding about his shoulders, hand hanging limply at his navel, but he's gone as tense as can be. The gesture itself doesn't mean much, but in light of the circumstances, Goggi can't breathe. "S-Sportacus!" He doesn't know why the gesture has him so flustered, but it does, and that may just be the man's breath in his ear.

"Shhh, Goggi," Sportacus whispers to him, "You have to calm down."

Goggi has a million words ready to spill forth from his lips but all he can say are odd, meaningless sounds. "You---how---what?"

But all the man murmurs in his ear is a quiet, "Shhh," and when Goggi opens his eyes once more, the man is gone.

-

Really, he's never been in a situation like this, and really, it's quite strange. He furrows his brows and sits down, but quickly rises again. He always walked when he thought, and now, more than ever, did he have a lot to think about.

He couldn't blame Goggi's feelings on the boy, because he'd always tried to be there for the boy, even when he was younger. Even though he had always wanted the best and to help everyone in Latibaer, Goggi had always been a special case, because unlike the other children, Goggi was lonely. When it all came down to it, Goggi hadn't done well with making friends, so sometimes, Sportacus knew, he had felt that when it all came down to it, no one would be there for him.

And so he had tried to be as close to the boy as he would allow, inviting the boy into his atmosphere, his world, and letting himself become immersed in the other's. Perhaps it had been that one time when he had let the boy stay with him in his airship while his parents went away, and no one else could watch him, or the time that he had caught him watching him sleep.

It wasn't that he was a pedophile; it was the boy had often had nightmares; even that one sleepover had caused them. He had only wanted the best for the little boy who had walked around with his head down, kicking at stones in the street, the little boy who sat alone at lunch everyday, the little boy who was always inside playing his video games.

But it seems now, he thinks, that my kindness was taken differently than I had expected. Of all people, he hadn't expected Goggi to be the one to fall in love with him, but really, he isn't even sure if it's actually love, or whether Goggi is misinterpreting his feelings.

Sportacus sighs softly. He hadn't expected this to happen. Never, would he have thought, Goggi, or any of the now older children he knew, would have fallen in love with him.

He sighs once more, and retreats to the sanctity of his airship, and decides to go to bed earlier than usual.

-

_The body on top of him is warm, the skin soft, the arm around his waist strong. The lips at his collarbone gentle, nipping, the hand at his hip grasping. He moans slightly, trying to shift, but the body is just a tiny bit too heavy and his groggy mind doesn't cooperate with him. He opens his eyes for the first time, his senses adjusting to the dark light. He glances around the room he's in and notices it's lit only by candles and a dim light above them. _

_He glances downward, eyes widening at the green hair and familiar scent that came to his nose. He tries to move but finds the arms around his waist is unrelenting, and he tries to say something, but nothing will come out of his mouth. _

_"What's wrong?" _

_Fingers follow the outline of his lips, and he swallows painfully. "You…. Y-you…" _

_Patient green eyes wait for him to finish. "I?" _

_"We can't do this!" He blurts the statement out, and looks away, afraid of what hurt he assumes will be in those clear green eyes he's grown to love. Hands guide his face to meet them though, and he's a little surprised at how knowledgeable and understanding they are. _

_"Why must you keep saying that?" It is merely a whisper, but he doesn't miss the deep hurt, and slight bitterness it holds. He tries to say something, but he can feel eyes boring into his soul as he stares at the ceiling, looking for the right words. "Why must you keep hurting me, denying it? Isn't my happiness worth just a few moments?"_

_"Of course," he murmurs back on instinct, but he's already said the wrong thing, and the other's body lifts itself from his and he reminds himself to breathe. Despite this, the teen doesn't move from the bed after pulling away, and Sportacus sits up as well, reaching for him. _

_This time, it's Goggi's turn to pull away, and he does so vehemently. "Cut it out!" He speaks angrily, and Sportacus can't blame him. Still, he persists, and pulls the teen towards him. _

_"You've got to let this go," he whispers into his ear, placing his head at Goggi's shoulder. "You can't do this anymore; it's not worth it, Goggi. I'm not worth it." For a moment there is silence, and he listens to Goggi's abnormally loud heat beat, waits for the reaction._

_Goggi pulls away, slowly, and Sportacus lets him. Still, he doesn't turn around, until suddenly, a hand connects sharply with Sportacus' cheek. _

_Sportacus stares at the teen above him, shocked. He reaches for his stinging cheek. "Goggi, I---" _

_"Oh shut it." The teen walks across the room, then back, pacing. His brows are furrowed, and Sportacus can see tears in the green eyes. Sportacus stands up, but Goggi's voice continues and stops him, "How long are you going to do this for? Every night, you go through the whole bit, and then you tell me, 'No', like a boy-scout, as though you've never done a bad thing in your life, and just… agh! Sometimes, I really can't stand you!" _

_Sportacus stays silent. He can't recall doing this before, but he's always been good at telling when people are lying, and Goggi wasn't. "I don't understand you! If you're going to say no _every single night_ don't bother doing it anymore! Because I've really just about had enough!_

_"I mean, honestly, must you---"_

_The teen freezes and pauses in his rant when Sportacus stands up. He grabs Goggi more roughly than he intends and shakes him, "You don't mean a _word_ that you are saying, Goggi! You have something called hormones now, that's all this is! I can tell you, with one-hundred percent certainty, that you _don't_ love me!"_

_Goggi's face darkens and Sportacus can see him silently fuming. "Well then," he says quietly, almost darkly, "I suppose you don't know me as well as you think you do! Because I may be a teenager, but you're talking as though I don't have a head, or a heart! What is that all about?! Is it so terrible I've fallen for someone? Is it?! If it were Solla. Would you say that, Sportacus? Would you?" _

_"This is different!" Sportacus is insistent, almost desperate to dissuade Goggi of his feelings, "I'm not Solla, and you're a teenager, and I'm not that young anymore! I---" _

_Sportacus is silenced immediately as Goggi places his lips on his own. The kiss is short, brief. Goggi pulls away, sighs, and shakes his head. "You're such an idiot, Sportacus," and his voice is only above a whisper, and there are tears in his eyes. "But if you insist, then…" The teen takes a deep breath, "Okay." _

_Goggi pulls away, dresses quickly, and Sportacus watches him. As the teen leaves, he says nothing, merely kisses his cheek, and Sportacus looks after him, something of a wistful expression on his face though he can't quite explain why. _

_As the door slams, Sportacus feels a sinking feeling in his stomach, and he takes a shuddering breath, and without thinking, he dresses quickly just as Goggi had, only pulling on his boxers, jeans, and a T-shirt, and runs after the other. He can't say why he's so panicked, but he knows he's lost something, and he wants it back. _

_He finds the teen sitting in the rain, staring at the sky. Despite this, Sportacus knows he sees nothing, and he moves forward, sitting next to the other on the bench. It's thundering, and there's lightening, and neither of them appropriately dressed, and although there are so many things to talk about, Sportacus can't find the right thing to say. _

_"Why follow me?" _

_It's soft-spoken, and Sportacus almost has to lean in to hear it with the pit-pat of the rain distracting him. "Why not?" _

_"Tell me no, insist it, and push me out, and then follow me? I don't understand you, Sportacus. I really don't. I think I've finally had enough of this game of cat and mouse," and Goggi glances at him from the corner of his eye, " so this time, do actually leave me alone." _

-

He wakes in cold sweat, and a quick heartbeat. He looks around him, seeing the familiar white walls of his airship, and his pulse calms slightly. Still, his breathing is irregular, and he gets out of bed, unintentionally jumping at a clap of thunder. He shakes his head, thinks of Goggi, and splashes water on his face.

It's cooling, refreshing, but the image of Goggi on top of him, his head resting on his chest, is still painfully clear in his mind, and his heartbeat speeds right back up. He curses softly, and rubs at his eyes, trying to get the sleep out of them. As long as he keeps his eyes open, the image strays from his mind, and he feels peace, but even blinking brings a flash of the memory, and he winces.

With a shake of his head, he decides to go for a walk, pajamas and all, and he goes to the driver's seat subconsciously, headed towards Latibaer. It's something he does without thinking now, and he pauses for a moment, thinking it really may not be a good idea, but shrugs the thought off.

He parks the airship, and climbs down the ladder, and walks aimlessly for a good twenty minutes before he notices where he is.

He's outside his house, and his breath catches. He figures it won't hurt to see him, and he climbs up the side of the house, using a conveniently placed ladder as assistance. He glances inside the top window and sees Goggi's room, and he smiles. In essence, it hasn't changed much. It's still a geeks room, but now there are posters of his favorite bands instead of the latest electronics.

The boy is in his bed, snoring softly, because the window is actually open slightly. The teen sleeps in his boxers and a T-shirt, the humid summer night getting to him. He sheets are strewn about, and Sportacus can't help but chuckle at the scene. He opens the window more fully, and steps inside before he even realizes what he's doing.

He walks over to the teen's bed, and stares at him, listens to his slightly irregular breathing. He kneels before him, and watches the way the teen's hair tickles his face, and how the moon shines on his skin, and how his lips part slightly as he breathes. But there is something off about the peaceful scene, and Sportacus can tell only by instinct.

He leans forward, although he doesn't really need to as the teen emits a soft whimper.

Sportacus jumps a mile high at the sound but keeps his breathing steady, afraid to way the other up. Still, he stays still, waiting for any other sounds, and he listens carefully as Goggi's breathing hitches several times, and then, more quietly than ever before, "Sp-Sportacus!"

The man's heart jumps into his throat and his own breath catches. The boy shifts slightly and his hands clutch at his sheets, almost desperately as his knuckles go white from the strength of his grasp. "A-ah!"

Sportacus isn't breathing anymore. He isn't thinking, either, and he his twitch at his sides, a sudden want to touch the teen overcoming him, even though he eventually shoots it down violently. Move, he tells himself, but he seems rather glued to the floor. "Uh, a-…ah!"

The teen arches slightly, and Sportacus pulls back in response to the action. He'd never realized he'd moved forward in the first place, but he had indeed as Goggi's hand, his knuckles still white, was only inches from his face. But he can't even pull back, almost hypnotized by the every motion of the teen.

Sportacus watches as the other's brows furrow, and how he bites his lip and closes his eyes tightly, and Sportacus knows he's close. The whimper he emits once more only testifies to the face, and Sportacus takes a step back, glad he's finally regained motion.

"Ah-ah! Sportacus!"

Both his own face as well as Goggi's flushes as though if it were actually real, as if he were actually on top of the teen and the teen were actually under him, as if they were both so close, coming closer, as if they were the same person, unified.

With a whimper, an arch, and a squirm, it's over, and he's reached release, and Sportacus opens his eyes, not sure when he closed them, and sees Goggi give a sigh, and once more his brows furrow, and Sportacus takes his leave and watches from the ladder as the teen wakes up.

He sees Goggi sit up, and run a shaking hand through his hand, hear him curse, "Not again," and his voice shakes, "I can't keep going through this! I…" He trails off, and Sportacus closes his eyes, feeling badly for the teen. I don't want you to keep going through this either; he thinks to himself, I really wish I could help.

He hears another whimper, and then a soft cry, and his whole body is telling him, screw the secret, and go hold him for god's sakes, because he's hurting and you're the reason, and you know you want to help, but he still doesn't move, because even though his heart is complaining, his mind tells him it would be smarter to stay where he is.

He squeezes his eyes shut tightly, and tries to block out the sound, but the quiet night makes it so that's all he can hear. He almost moves to hold the teen, but freezes as he hears his voice, "Damn it," he speaks softly.

Sportacus holds his breath, "God, I want him so badly," Goggi speaks, "Why do you keep telling me no?"

Sportacus can't help but think back to his dream, and he feels guilt overwhelm him. You pervert, he thinks, shaking his head. Stop watching.

Again comes Goggi's voice, "God _damn_ it!" And another sob comes, "God damn it, god damn it, god damn it," and Sportacus holds his breath.

Quietly, he leaves.

-

The next day, Goggi does not leave his house. The next day, Sportacus comes to Latibaer, just like usual, but his mind is far away, distant, his tricks and games only half-hearted, like his attention. As Solla says the same thing to him for the forth time, she pulls him aside, and asks, "What's wrong with you?"

Sportacus' face flushes, but he gets it under control quickly. "I'm just distracted," he says, because he can't lie to the girl, although he supposes that by now, she might be considered a woman. "It's nothing, really, I just didn't sleep well."

"Is something on your mind?"

Although he knows she only means the best, he isn't prepared for questions. But before he even says anything, she speaks once more, "Is it Goggi?"

Sportacus looks at her somewhat incredulously, and the girl smiles. "You only look like that when you're thinking of Goggi," she looks him in the eye, "We've noticed by now how much he means to you, and how much you want to help him. I know what's going on with him." She looks down, the smile gone from her expression. "And I think you know too, now. I wasn't sure, because you'd been acting strange, but you're so quiet now, and I know. I'm sure."

"I'm not sure I get what you mean," he speaks steadily, although he's unable to look Solla in the eye.

"I know you think he doesn't love you.. I can understand that, easily. But this isn't an overnight thing with him. He's been feeling this way for a very, very, long time. He's just always been afraid to tell you."

"Why are you telling me this? I don't want to encourage him."

"Because now's the time. Look…" Solla bites her lip, "He's called me before to talk about this. I remember the _first time_ he called me. You should've heard him, Sportacus. He was terrified once he realized what it all meant. He asked me how he could stop it, but I didn't know, and I still don't, and that's what I told him, and then a few months passed before I heard about it again, and I found out he'd had a…Rather interesting dream, and now, when it gets real bad, he gives me a ring.

"He called last night, Sportacus, and it was worse than it's ever been before. That's how I realized he told you. He'd had another dream, and he was so angry, and he was crying so hard, and he actually came to my _house_, and ended up staying until early this morning when he left while I was sleeping. But he's a mess. I suggest you sort this out as soon as you can, because the longer you wait the more torment he'll go to go through."

Solla stands up, "It's not that easy," Sportacus reasons, "I don't want to hurt him, but I don't feel the same way."

'I didn't say it would be easy. I said it's the right thing to do. Jump rope?"

Sportacus smiles a small smile, even if it is wobbly. "Sure."

-

He knocks on the teen's door, not really expecting an answer. He's taken time to plan this out, but once the door actually opens, it seems rather like his mind has gone completely blank. The figure who answered the door, doesn't even look like his Goggi at all. His face is pale, and there are tearstains on his cheeks, and his eyes are red and puffy only from what he can assume would be crying. His breath is shaky, even as he stands at the door, and Sportacus is led to believe that the teen's tears hadn't been shed that long ago.

"Goggi," he begins, but the teen turns away, and gestures him inside. Sportacus bites his lip, coming in, looking around the house. It isn't much different; Goggi's parents had never been the type of people who redecorated often. "I---"

"Would you like something to drink? An apple?"

Sportacus swallows uncomfortably. The teen's voice is hoarse, raspy, and quiet, and Sportacus watches as he licks his dry lips. "Um, water will be fine," and he realizes that his hesitance might not be the best front to put forward in this situation. "If it's not too much trouble."

"Not at all," Goggi says, and the smile he offers is shaky just like his voice, and Sportacus invites himself to sit on the couch. There is no noise besides Goggi's quiet movements, until the teen offers him his drink and then sits next to him.

"Thank you," Sportacus says softly, watching as the other fiddles nervously with his fingers, and then moves on to playing with the hem of his T-shirt. Sportacus places the cold water on the coaster on the end table, and speaks quietly, "Well, as you probably know, we've got a situation here."

"Hmmm."

Sportacus continues, "And uh, I think we should get it sorted out before it becomes a real pain to deal with."

Goggi's breathing hitches, and Sportacus pauses awkwardly. "So… You…" Goggi bites his lip, unsure of what to say. "So… You think I don't mean it…? That I'm not sincere?"

Goggi's voice seems slightly lost, and mentally, Sportacus curses. "It's not that Goggi. It's that we can't do this. And in the end, even if we do try, you're just going to end up hurt and I don't want to do that to you. So I think you should just let it go, and it won't be so bad."

Goggi is silent for a moment before his head turns slowly to glance at Sportacus. In his eyes, Sportacus sees a raging fire of anger, and Goggi's lips go thin. "So what's all this now? _Right now_, what do you think you are doing to me? Doing me a favour? Surely, not me." Goggi shakes his head, "You just don't get it---"

"I'm only trying to help!"

"Well then find some new tactics! What you're trying now just isn't working! Don't you see? I realize what's going on, why this is bad, and I'm sorry! But good luck trying to get me to just fall out of my own feelings! It's not a one-two-three done process!"

Sportacus shakes his head, "I know that, Goggi, I do. But really---"

"Just leave," Goggi says softly, burrowing his head in his knees.

"I---"

"GO!"

Sportacus stands, but he doesn't leave. He's afraid of what's going to happen, although he's pretty sure he knows what it is, and if he's right, he wants to be there for the adolescent. For a moment he waits, until he sees it.

The first tear. Sportacus bites his lip and at first looks away, and even from the corner of his eye he can see them begin streaming down Goggi's face, and his heart sinks to his stomach as he moves to go back to him. His cries are not like the tears of the night before; they are not loud, painful sobs, but quiet, almost silent suffering paired with shaking shoulders. You don't have to be loud to get your point across though, Sportacus thinks. Even as his hands merely brush gently against Goggi's shoulders, the reaction is violent, and Goggi pulls away sharply. "No! No, no, no, no, no," he speaks, covering his face with his hands. His shoulders shake tremendously, and shudders wrack his whole body. This is what he was afraid of, Sportacus knows. The rejection, no matter how lightly put, hurts.

Despite the light protests, Sportacus sits down and pulls the teen into his arms, cradling him like a little child. He is virtually torn between comforting the boy for all he's worth and leaving the boy alone, to his own suffering. It sounds like an obvious answer, but it really isn't.

Goggi's body heaves with pent up anger, frustration, and even love, and he clings to Sportacus like a lifeline. "This," he says, sniffling, "It's too much! I-I… I j-just can't take it anymo-more!"

And as Goggi's heart begins to give out under the pressure, Sportacus listens, and whispers nonsensical phrases of comfort; nothing words to distract the teen from his pain and his broken heart.

-

_The little boy, onto to his stomach, looks up at him in wonder, a bright smile on his face. This is how he is these days, Sportacus notices. Happier, cheerful, busy, scurrying about among the other or stepping to the side to talk with him. The boy is a ball of energy, if you catch him at the right time._

_But this time, when he comes aside, it is because of an injury caused from lack of attention. He's lost his first tooth from a basketball to his face, and despite the slight sting, he is still smiling. But as he walks aside, and Sportacus questions his condition, whether or not he'd like to keep playing, something in his eyes changes, and his mood dampens, if ever so slightly._

_"Do you love me?" _

_Sportacus' smiles, "Of course," he says. _

_"Are you like my parents, though?" _

_"What do you mean?" _

_"My parents," Goggi says quietly, with a sad smile, "They love me a lot. And because they love me a lot and want to give me everything I'd like to have, they were around the clock, and I hardly ever see them. Will you disappear, because you love me too?" _

_"Oh, Goggi," Sportacus says, pulling the boy to his side, "No, of course not. I love you, and because of it, I'm going to always stick by you." _

_"Mom said that once," Goggi says with a small smile, "But you're not her. And I guess… You're different. Promise?" _

_"Promise," Sportacus says, and he reaches out his pinky, "Pinky-swear on it." _

_Goggi smiles. _

-

The next day, Sportacus is not seen by any.

Another day passes, and he is absent. The mayor begins to worry, Solla wonders why, Halla curses, Nenni pouts, and Siggi complains.

Another day passes.

Goggi, sitting inside, sleeps in. He aches all over, and glances around at the his room, but blinks. He had fallen asleep on his couch, hadn't he? Downstairs… That would explain his soreness. But his surroundings definitely say that he is resting in his room. He shrugs. He's sleepwalked before, it's not particularly new.

But his heart is still a little heavy. He tries to ignore it, because it's not fair that he should be held down like this, and Sportacus is free on his way, without guilt or a tear. He shakes his head. He knows it's not like that at all, and that he's just angry, tired of all of this.

He stretches, yawns. He was up late last night, and it shows, because there are bags under his eyes. His doorbell startles him, and whoever is on the other side is insistent, and Goggi yells, "Hold your horses!"

His tosses his sheets off of his bed, shakes his head, knowing he'll make them later. His doorbell continues to ring, again and again, and Goggi yells once more, slightly louder, "Just give me a minute!" He turns on the lights as he goes, and opens the door.

Solla nearly topples him, "Hey, hey, what's going on?"

Solla, Halla, Siggi, and Maggi stand outside his door. His brows furrow. "Sportacus!" Solla speaks, "Sportacus! We can't find him anywhere! No one's even seen the airship! And he's not taking mail! And…we're worried."

Goggi's brows furrow, "I haven't seen him either, but I thought that was just me being stuck in the house…?"

"No," Siggi says, nibbling on chocolate. "We really can't find him---hey! That's _my_ chocolate!"

Maggi shakes his head and tosses the half eaten candy bar into the garbage. "Well, that's too bad," he mumbles, and turns to Goggi, "And we figured, since we hadn't seen him, maybe you had?" Goggi snorts, and shakes his head once more, "Man, we're serious here. It's not funny."

Goggi sobers quickly, biting his lip in thought. He _had_ seen the man once, the day before, as he had come to visit him. He shakes his head, still it doesn't explain anything to do with his disappearance. And then it hits him. Goggi feels the blood rush to his face.

-

_Goggi smiles at the entering Sportacus. He's tired, for sure, but his anger has subsided, and for a moment, he can let go of everything. "Welcome," he says, "Would you like something to drink?" He chuckles, and before the man even answers, goes to get another bottled water from the refrigerator. He hears Sportacus laugh, and with a sheepish grin, he accepts the bottled water. With a second's more thought, he goes to get an apple for himself. _

_And as he comes back, he trips, and feels himself falling, but strong arms about his waist bring him back to the couch from just barely staying on. He opens his eyes, not even having realized that he had instinctively closed them, and smiles up at Sportacus, but the smile vanishes. _

_Sportacus' eyes have closed, and his breath is shallow and quick. With only a glance, Goggi notices their position, and their predicament. The man has pulled him almost on top of him, with his hands resting at each side of Sportacus' waist, and his legs are spread around the others.  
Their faces are mere inches apart, and if he were just to lean forward the slightest bit, not only would be kissing Sportacus, but also completely straddling him. _

_For a moment, it doesn't seem like a bad idea at all, and in that split second, he leans forward, and kisses the man again, this time slowly, passionately, hoping that maybe, just maybe, through this one kiss, he'll understand that he means it, that this is all very, very real. He pushes the man back slightly, straddling his hips, rubbing ever so slightly, trying no to think on whether that gasp has a good or bad connotation._

_Hands reach for his sides, and Goggi leans forward even more, so that he is on top of Sportacus completely. His heart flutters in his chest as he feels Sportacus' strong hands playing with the hem of his shirt, and he's sure now that he isn't imagining the reciprocation of his kiss. His own hands move to cup Sportacus' face, but eventually he ends up doing nothing more than playing with the light curls, and he moves up slightly, so that neither of them will have to tilt their heads awkwardly._

_Goggi's hands move and slide under Sportacus' shirt and he can feel more than hear Sportacus inhale. Still, even though his hands shake, he feels the man's muscles and how they move strangely under his touch. Sportacus speaks hoarsely, "No, Goggi, no! Stop!" _

_Although the man's voice is somewhat harsh, the hands that push Goggi away are gentle and caring. Despite this, Goggi can't help but growl in frustration. "You wanted it! Why did you stop?" _

_"Why don't you understand that we can't do this?!" _

_"Why don't you understand that I love dearly?!"_

_There is a silent tie, and neither side has an answer. Goggi curses softly as Sportacus moves him away, and he sighs softly. The man stands up, tucks his shirt back in, and Goggi watches him do so. Wordlessly, he sits back down and takes a sip of his water. Carelessly, Goggi places his head on Sportacus' shoulder. Although the man at first tenses, he relaxes, and Goggi lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding._

_Sportacus' hands find their way into his hair, able to comb through it gently now that it lacked Goggi's usual goggles. Although Goggi shuddered at the mere touch, Sportacus did not stop. "One day," he whispered, kissing Goggi's ear, "You will be able to move on without me, and you will look back at all of this, and say, 'Gosh, was that ever silly of me.' One day, when I leave, you will be okay."_

-

"I didn't mean to," he tells Solla later that night, "Really. He just…" Goggi sighs in frustration, "I was _on top_ of him, for god's sakes, and he was right there and…. I did the wrong thing."

Solla reaches for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "It's okay, Goggi. It's okay."

"No! It isn't." Goggi mutters angrily, "I'm the whole reason he left! I'm why you people may have just lost your best friend! Because I was too _fucking_ stupid as to go ahead and try and make a move on _Sportacus_ of all bloody people…"

"Don't say that!" Solla's voice is stern, "It's not your fault Goggi, I promise."

"But it is! If didn't----"

Suddenly, something catches Goggi's eye, and he stands up, and walks across the room, and picks up an unlabeled note, sitting next to his computer. As he opens it, the blood rushes to his face, "It's him," he shouts, "He wrote this!" His eyes skim over the contents of the note, and he covers his mouth. "Goggi, you idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot," he mumbles into his hand. "Oh god…"

"What does it say?!" Solla's voice is almost frantic, and she comes up behind him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I…I'll read it, I suppose. It says:

'_Minn_ _kær Goggi,_

_You can imagine I feel pretty awful for leaving you all, and this letter is how I will explain my disappearance. Please, don't' take it personally; don't take the blame on yourself, like I know you will. Please, for my sake, don't. I can feel it when you're crying, and I say you've cried enough lately. Last night, what happened… I enjoyed that. And that is why I am no longer here, in Latibaer with you. When will I be back? I'm not quite certain, to be honest. I don't want to say a time, because by the time you notice this I may have already come back, I don't know. _

_I'm leaving because it s what is best for you, and this is how you will learn to move along. You may consider it mean that I am leaving 'for' you', but for now you might not understand that. In a few years time, you will be thankful. Unlike yourself, I cannot say that what I felt last night was for 'only you', like you can, Goggi, and that is also why I am leaving. I'm doing this for you, Goggi, eini þú,_

_Unna, yðar einlægur,_

_Improttaalfurinn_'

Goggi drops the letter in horror, and he feels tears well up in his eyes, and he stumbles, falls. "You idiot," he mumbles to himself, and he grabs his hair, "It _is_ my fault!" Goggi slumps, and Solla, with tears in her own eyes, comes behind him, "How could he even begin to think that I am better off without him? How? He's right, I _don't_ understand! This isn't fair! Avail hægri! Hve… Ah, minn ást hve?!"

Goggi takes a deep breath, willing himself to calm down, but he only chokes on his own sobs. "Takk, takk, minn ást, nei…"

Goggi notices Solla bite her lip, and he says to her, "No, no, don't, it'll only make it hurt worse," and he knows she knows that he means both physically and mentally. "Come here," he whispers, "Here," and she crawls over to him, and he holds her tightly in his arms. "I'm sorry," he says to her, "That you have to go through this, it isn't your problem, and I'm sorry I've made it yours. Oh god, Solla, what are we going to do now?"

"We're going to hope that he gets some sense knocked into him," she says, leaning against him. "We're going to hope, and hope, and hope, and keep our mouths shut, because this isn't anyone's business but ours now. Take his advice though, and try," she says with a smile, "If he says you can live without him, and he's right, then we all can."

"I've been trying to do that for years, but it hasn't worked yet," he mumbles into her hair, "It's just too hard, Solla. The heartbreak, the hurt, again and again, it's too much…" Goggi instinctively tightens his grip, "Oh god, I want him back already…. Why did I----"

"Shh, it's not your fault." Solla whispers, "Remember that."

It may not be my fault, Goggi thinks to himself, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, but it certainly feels like it is.

With a sigh, he takes Solla's advice, and hopes with all his heart that this won't go on for much longer, because he's had enough of this game.

-

Next summer, when Solla arrives to Latibaer for her annual trip, she notices something.

No one is outside.

For a second, she thinks that it really is just like how it was before Sportacus came, and with that thought in mind she heads to Goggi's house, in hopes of an update. Although they'd been keeping up with each other, Solla knew there was always some sort of connotation about Goggi's mental well being that she would not get from just words over the phone, typed letters, or snail mail.

He knocks on his door and waits for a response, which she's surprised is a lot quicker than she expected. The teen at the door reminds her of how Goggi used to be, before he fell in love with Sportacus, and Solla is more than happy to see he's moved on.

Their hug is brief, and quickly, Goggi invites her inside. "Where is everyone?"

Goggi's expression sobers, "Let's just say a lot has happened since you last were here, to say the very least. Orange juice okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine," she speaks with a dismissive wave of her hand, "But what do you mean, 'A lot has happened'? What happened?"

"Well, for one, Halla's moved away. We don't really know why, I think she transferred to a different school, or something. She wouldn't really tell us."

"Where did she move to?"

"She wouldn't even tell us that. Her parents kept quiet about the whole thing. It was really awful, actually." Goggi's expression is somewhat conflicted for just a moment, "We didn't even realize anything had happened until we saw the moving truck. It was retarded. Halla was stuck inside." Goggi makes a face, "I think she got sent to a private school because she'd been having a bad year and been a little bit more mischievous than anyone really expected." Goggi sighed. "You could tell she didn't want to leave. I really don't understand why her parents made her go."

"Oh, gosh," Solla says, somewhat breathless. "Anything else happen?"

"Nenni's gotten worse. You should hear him now. I almost lost my computer when he tried to pull it straight from the wall. Oh, you should hear him. _Everything_ is his now, so I just recommend not arguing. He eventually brings it back anyway," and Goggi chuckles.

Solla giggles, "And Siggi… You know, he's looking pretty good, actually. He's slimmed down a bit. Still," Goggi searches for the word, "er, plump, but it's much less noticeable. And Maggi's been around too, although I think he may be leaving sometime soon, within the next year or so. I think he wants a record deal," and Goggi grins, "Even though I know I'll miss him like crazy, I'm glad to know he's chasing his dreams."

"Oh wow," is all Solla can say. "And how have you been?"

It's a pointedly specific question she's been itching to ask.

"I'm still alive," Goggi says, but somehow his smile isn't very assuring.

-

Goggi is surprised to see Solla show up at his door, sleeping bag under her arm. "Up for camping?"

He grins, "Sure! Just give me a second! I'll get my stuff!"

He runs upstairs, leaving Solla at the door, and he shouts behind him, "You know what, you can come in," he says with a laugh. He grabs his things quickly, shouts to his mother in the bathroom he'll be sleeping outside tonight, and although he hears her yell of confusion behind him, he dashes into his room to get his duffel bag.

He runs down the stairs after hazardously stuff things into his bag, seeing Solla staring at the TV with minimal interest. "Will your parents _ever_ redecorate? _Ever?_"

He laughs, "Not very likely," and he sits down, but then stands up. "You wanna leave right now, or hang out for a while?"

"We can go right now, if you like."

Goggi nodded.

-

Later that night, as they both rest their eyes, Goggi's mind wanders. He thinks of good times, and of bad times, and of Sportacus, and how much he really has missed the man since his leave. He'd been denying, trying to take Sportacus' advice, to try and move on, but deep inside his heart there is an ache that can only be dulled by his presence, a presence he no longer sure at all when, or if, it will ever arrive.

He sighs at bites his lip, shaking his head. He's camped out before, even on cold nights, to stare at the sky. Despite the poor lighting at Latibaer due to lack of streetlights, it made it quite easy to go stargazing, and he's done that before as well.

"Goggi?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think of him at all?"

"All the time."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

Goggi feels Solla move closer to him, wrapping her arms about his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry he did that to you," Solla whispers, but Goggi only shakes his head. "Why do you mean, 'no?' You aren't angry at him?"

"Of course I am. But it's not his fault I fell in love with him. I can't blame a single thing on him, even if I try."

"I don't understand why he didn't believe you."

"I wouldn't have believed me either, you know," he says with a bitter chuckle. "Come on, sixteen, going through puberty… I don't blame him for thinking that I was following my," he coughs pointedly, "And not my heart." Goggi chuckles, although he of all people should know it's not funny. "I don't blame him."

"Did he have to leave?"

"It's still my fault for that. If I hadn't been so damn persistent, then---"

Solla rose slightly to look Goggi in the eye, "If you hadn't followed your heart you'd grown up a miserable old man who regretted his every decision because that could've been your last chance with him, the last chance to try and tell you. You know that, Goggi. It's just what we call a bad situation."

"Lovebirds!"

"Shhh!"

Goggi springs up and Solla topples slightly to the side. Goggi's eyes dart all around him and Solla watches with interest. She's never seen Goggi so alert, as if he expected someone awful to jump out of the bushes. Slowly, almost unnoticeably, Goggi picks up a small stone, and chucks it in the bush opposite him.

"Ow!"

Goggi snorts, but he's caught Solla's attention, who stares at him intently. Without even waiting for her to ask, he says, "When you're waiting for something, you learn to listen for it at all times. Maybe… Maybe minn Improttaalfurinn is just hiding from me. Maybe… Maybe he's right around the corner. Maybe…"

"Maybe…"

-

_Gently, Goggi shudders. Hands trace at his abdomen, running knowingly against his nipples. It was so warm here, wherever he was, and those hands, oh those _hands_ are so crafty, so mischievous so wonderful, that he can't help but sigh softly in content. _

_He hears a quiet chuckle, soft. He smiles, and a figure looms over him, a smile on his own face. He leans down, almost completely covering the teen's form, he kisses at his ears, his neck, his collarbone, back up to his jaw, the bridge of his nose, his eyes, his lips, his hair, in a shower of frenzied butterfly kisses. To say the least, Goggi feels tremendous warmth and nearly feels smothered in love._

"_Minn Goggi," the man speaks, "Minn kaer Goggi," and his hands run through the boy's hair once again. _

_Goggi licks his lips, "Eini þú, Improttaalfurinn," and he squirms slightly under the man's intense scrutiny. ._

_The pale stain of colour on the man's face is beyond endearing, and Goggi is breathless, only adding to the dreamlike qualities of the scenario. "Eini þú, Goggi, eini þú..." _

_Goggi shivers slightly, "I've been waiting for you to say that for----"_

"_Shhh, I know Goggi, I know. You don't have to tell me anything,_

_Once more, Goggi finds himself breathless. Sportacus' arms are so strong, but caring and gentle at the same time, and his kiss is bliss, and his hands are warm, and his whisper is sweet. "Ég ást þú," he whispers, pulling the man closer. _

"_Ég ást þú of." _

_Kiss._

_Kiss._

_Kiss._

"_Ah, minn ást!" _

-

Goggi's eyes creak open once more to the sound of the doorbell. He's tired, and he's really had enough, but he sits up, and looks about his room. As his eyes brush past the calendar, and he realizes, "Today's my birthday!"

He can't help but get excited; he'd always gotten good presents on his birthday, and he'd never had many complaints about that. He jumps out of his bed, watching his step as to not topple over himself in the cocoon of blankets he'd made for himself. He grins, and thumps down the stairs, and opens the door.

His heart stops.

Enough emotions run through his mind to create an entire stampede, and he's angry, sad, overjoyed, and relieved.

He launches himself at the other man, not caring how it looks. He doesn't want to start crying, but he's _right there_ right in front of him, and he can't help it. His shoulders shake with tears and he trembles and tumbles, but he hasn't been this happy in over a year.

"Minn kaer Goggi!"

"Minn Improttaalfurinn!"

He doesn't know what else to say, so he says it over and over, "Minn Improttaalfurinn, minn Improttaalfurinn, minn Improttaalfurinn, minn Improttaalfurinn!"

"Shhh, Goggi, shhh."

Goggi looks to the man who now holds him so closely, so dearly, as if for life. Sportacus' expression, for only a moment, is unreadable, until Goggi sees love shining in his eyes, and he can only hope that, yes, it really does mean what he hopes it means, what he thinks it means, what he's wanted for so long, and been waiting for, for years. "What is this," he questions, cupping the man's face gently.

"Something I should've told you a long time ago," and Sportacus slowly, ever so slowly, moves forward, placing his lips gently on Goggi's. He can feel Goggi's breath hitch, but he can feel the teen move closer to him, reciprocating, give and take. As he pulls away, Sportacus has only one question; "Do you forgive me?"

"No reason to be forgiven," Goggi says with a smile, "But for your sake, yes, of course. You were forgiven two years ago."

-

Goggi sits patiently in his seat, waiting for what was so important. Sportacus insisted they have a deep, meaningful conversation. He sits on his couch, tapping his fingers gently against the fabric. Sportacus walks in, and hands him a water bottle. Something about his posture gives him the feeling of unease, so immediately he asks, "Is something wrong?"

"Absolutely not," Sportacus says, almost too quickly. "I just have something very serious that I've been thinking about for a few years, and I think I finally need to get it off of my chest." Sportacus takes a deep breath, and Goggi listens intently. "Do you remember when I told you that you could call me Improttaalfurinn, if it suited your tastes?"

"Yes," Goggi speaks, "But what---"

"Shhh," Sportacus says gently, "I'm getting there. And you know, that that literally means 'Sports Elf', right?"

"Right," Goggi says, furrowing his brows. "But---"

Sportacus holds up a hand, "Ah, wait. You'll notice Goggi, since I know you are indeed very perceptive, that I don't look almost at all different from the last time you saw me, right?"

Goggi drinks in the man's appearance, trying to pay attention to detail. The other had a point; he had not a wrinkle more, if anything, he could've almost said he looked younger, although that could've just been his imagination. "Yes," he says gently, wondering where this is going. "But---"

"Yes, and do you know why this is?"

"No," Goggi murmurs, "I always thought that you just aged very gracefully," and he chuckles.

Sportacus shares in the laugh, but his face turns somber quickly. "The reason I, er, 'age gracefully' is not just because I age gracefully, but also because I'm not human."

Goggi smiles, "So you're telling me you're an elf?"

The idea is laughable, but Goggi tries to keep a straight face, because Sportacus was not a man to lie, nor was he one to joke about such a claim. He would believe no one else if they told him such a silly fact, but this is Sportacus, he tells himself. This is different.

"Yes," and Sportacus fishes something out of his back pocket. "Does this look familiar to you?"

"Yes," Goggi speaks, "It's your crystal. Does it not work or something?"

"Ah, not quite," and Sportacus refuses to look at Goggi for a long time, until the forces the man to look at him.

"What are you trying to say?"

"This," Sportacus sighs, "In a way, is my 'youth'. It lets me stay young as long as I keep a hold onto it, and as long as I keep it whole. It came from where I came from, an island north of the sea. And you see, if I break this, I will break the grasp of immortality. I will begin to age normally, just like a human, because this is, uh… My Elven self in a physical equivalent. Why am I bringing this up to you? Because," and he takes a deep breath, "Because I'm pretty sure I actually want to break it. And I wanted to double check with you, now, because you're the reason I'm doing this."

"Me?"

Goggi is breathless; he can hardly find words to describe what he wants to say. He has millions of questions, but he understands that this is not the time to questions, but rather for answers. There would be times for questions later. Sportacus cuts into his train of thought. "Only you."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want to double check this with you, because this is an irreversible process. Most elves are too uncertain of the entire idea that most are still around today, even if they were born in say… As far back as the 1600s. But I'm not uncertain like the rest of them all," and Sportacus looks Goggi straight in the eye. "I am beyond certain that you will never deal me ill will, and that is why I am will to do this…"

Goggi feels suddenly overcome with the entire situation, and he sighs. "Is the whole decision based on what I say?"

"To some degree, yes. But you must account for what I want."

Goggi bites his lip. "I just have one question," and although he promised himself that the questions were for later, he could not help but ask. "Do you feel like you're losing anything when you give this up?"

"No," Sportacus says, confidently, "I would feel like I was losing my chance with you if I didn't do it."

"And this is for your happiness? What you want?"

"It's up to you."

"I want this."

At first, Goggi feels badly about it being up to him. For a second he thinks, it's not my choice, not my decision to decide what Sportacus does with the rest of his life. He thinks that it's being unfair, but all he hears echoing in his mind is, 'It's up to you'. You know you want this, he tells himself. Don't even bother denying it, and it's not that he can't accept it for himself, but for Sportacus…

"I want this," he says, his breath shaky. He doesn't want to seem unsure, because he's not, but he knows that Sportacus understands. He nods.

"Then so it shall be done."

Sportacus smiles, and his muscles relax, as though a great burden had been lifted off of them. His crystal, in his left hand, is placed on the table for just a moment as he reaches once more into his back pocket, this time taking out a locket. He opens it carefully, and holds it in his right hand, and takes the crystal in his left.

Goggi's eyes are fastened to Sportacus' hands. He watches as, ever so slowly, Sportacus crushes the crystal, letting out a light groan in the meantime. Goggi bites his lip as, just for the briefest of moments, he crystal glows, then fades. He looks to Sportacus' face, and watches as is ears seem to shrink almost unnoticeably, and how his face becomes ever so slightly older looking.

Eyes still closed, Sportacus places the fragments of his crystal on he table, all crushes to tiny pieces. He reaches for the tiniest bit of the leftovers of his crystal, and place them safely into the locket, closing it just as carefully as he had opened it. Without a word, Sportacus ties it around Goggi's neck.

"Sportacus 10: Game over."

Goggi smiles, shakes his head.

Kiss.

-


End file.
